GoldFyre (notnormal23224) wrote,

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When a good divorce goes bad.

Warning long winded personal rant below:
Ah here it is Saturday, and it's been one of those weeks. A confrontation has been brewing since April when my ex-wife sent me an email talking about renegotiating child support payments. Now for the fun facts, she started paying (or more accurately told me to take out of a joint account that only she's putting her money in)$200 a month since last September (they were supposed to start last June but since she was moving to a new place I cut her some slack, even though I gave her $2000 as per our agreement and was paying for the lovely second mortgage (she had gotten over $14000 out of that)that paid all of her legitimate debts to $0 (someone had stolen her identity in the NY area and she had to clear that stuff up with the police). Thing were going OK until while helping her settle in to her new place I started noticing some of her trips to my house weren't yielding anymore of her stuff leaving but my stuff, like out of print books and a sword that I had recently acquired. I had said nothing at first (yes I'm a doormat) chalking it up to human error, maybe she thought the items were hers, we both had healthy book collections and collected sharp pointy things, but that thought was later smashed. While helping her with her electronics setup and cable my daughter and her boyfriend were over and he was admiring 'her' collection, and while doing so my ex blurted out that she had stolen that sword from me and I hadn't even noticed, while I was sitting right there working with the cable company on getting her crap working! Well since I then knew that she was fully aware of what she was doing, I said nothing and changed the house locks the next day (I didn't have a key to her place why should she have one to mine?). Multiple times I tried to get her to come over and take the stuff that was hers she obviously no longer wanted away (old and sometimes unworn clothes that were now way to big for her and the like) while I was home to prevent any other occurrences of light fingeredness from occurring. She stood me up every time she was supposed to come by and kept putting it off until my vacation (I was going away for 3 weeks and I had told her about it) when she was demanding access to the house while I was away (fat chance, I had a good friend house sitting and she wasn't gonna let her in knowing the situation and I had documents drawn up for her to that effect). She made a big deal about it in front of our daughter who was returning to college, trying to play the victim, I told her why she wasn't getting keys to the house, and that when I returned she could come by and collect what ever was hers that she still wanted. When she realized that I was serious about being upset that she stole from me she let it drop, she had me start taking child support payments in September as mentioned before and things seemed to be settled. She came by on Thanksgiving, I had invited her, with a bit of drama to that first saying she'd come so we could have a family dinner then, telling my daughter, she wasn't coming then just before we sat down to eat saying she was coming, but making us wait a few hours longer for her arrival. Silly stuff like that used to make me mad (OK it still did) but I wasn't going to let her have me get all bent out of shape and have an argument about it, so we had dinner anyway, and she hijacked a bunch of the leftovers before leaving and picked up a few things that she had realized she wanted that were hers she left behind. Christmas I was uneasy about inviting her again but my daughter (the most mature person in our household I always say, at least we raised her right) negotiated her coming by and that went without incident. My ex proudly announced she was suing her apartment complex for the water damage she had last summer, something I had suggested she do while she was still covered by my legal plan, but she choose to wait until that lapsed, and had her normal moans about her job. Time passes, April begins we talked on the phone about her great new job (I answered when she was trying to reach our daughter) she had asked me to hold off on taking payments until her first check cleared I agreed, and did so (you still a doormat) her check cleared I took $100 out and was going to take the other $100 at the end of the month, when she sent an email saying we had to "talk" about the payments. It appears that she neglected to adjust her tax status last year and was hit hard by the IRS and had no deductions (I lost track of how many times I suggested that she get her unwanted stuff some of it in great condition and donate it just for the deduction but that's her problem now) she gave what I now consider the snide remark that was because I had our daughter as a deduction (she's not a deduction she's over 18, I can only deduct her college tuition, that I pay for by myself, not even her room and board fees that I'm paying, and her medical that I'm also paying for but she thinks she's a 'deduction'). Well the doormat (me) replied and agreed to talk to her and that's when the latest trouble began. She kept the joint account lean so I couldn't take any money out for payments, and never bothered to reply or call me, so about 15 days ago I sent her a friendly reminder about our need to talk attaching her original note and my reply, and I BCCed our daughter (the ex made it a point to mention she was paying child support and my daughter asked me about it when I was trying to figure out bills and college payments), nothing not a peep, my daughter was back from college and her mom (the ex) would come by and pick her up for outings and overnight stays at her place (overnights were a new thing) but to pick her up she would call and Christina would meet her at the car. When Christina asked her why she said I banned her from the house, which was complete BS since we barely spoke and the last conversation we had (before the email) seemed civil to me she even seemed happy. I was irritated by this behavior, after all she said she wanted to 'talk' and instead she just basically did what she wanted and left me hanging in the wind and our child thinking mommy was being nice and daddy was being mean about something (she used to set stuff up like this masterfully when we were married, start an argument or say something mean right before she'd run and get our daughter then wait for my reaction when she had her there), but this time I was prepared and had copied my daughter on everything and when I sent another not so nice reply back my daughter knew exactly what was going on (mostly, stuff like what was being paid per month, when it started and when it stopped) and sat down with me and asked what the deal was and I told her the extent of our communication was those emails she saw. She told me about the supposed ban, I reminded her that if that was true why'd we have her over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it sounds like the ex has made up that this was a recent thing but I didn't pry. So know once again my child is wondering whose telling the truth which sucks I hate for her to get stuck in the middle of this stuff, but I have to have some transparency about what I'm saying and what was said to me to avoid her being fed out and out lies (not saying that everything the ex says is but the truth has been in pain around her and sometimes I think she actually believes what she is saying or whatever fantasy world is happening to avoid reality, especially if it makes her look bad).
I guess I sent the last email sort of demanding that we actually have this 'talk' or else I was prepared to release the legal hounds on her, because I just felt both frustrated and that something was going on with the whole calling the daughter to meet at the car rather than come in thing. After talking with her I found out something was going on that I knew nothing about, the ex saying she was banned, and probably other stuff she hadn't told me. I felt hurt mainly because I sat down with my daughter and told her everything that was going on since she wanted to know earlier, about my relationship, about her mother accusing me of an affair when I was taking care of work and only doing that to cover her own guilt about her *ahem* associations (that I knew about, it's hard to lie to the person you have fixing your computer, especially when you tell him to make sure your email works) and to deflect any wrath over keeping a serious traffic violation secret until after she lost her license and almost $370. I told her about the years of the dead relationship despite me trying everything and now that the ex got what she wanted (a life altering/saving operation on my medical insurance) she just pulls the plug. I told her about my current relationship and when it started, literally a month after being accused of having an affair, and the now ex refusing to even look at hard corporate documentation proving I was working, I just said screw it we haven't had sex or any intimacy in over 4 years so if I was going to be accused of being a cheat by a cheat I might as well cheat, well that turned out to be a relationship (daughter thinks it's a rebound kind of thing and isn't happy with the choice but I'm OK with it, and she can accept that). I thought this was settled months ago but now here's one more thing just to bring it back up and rub salt in the wounds again, and worse thing about it isn't how I feel about it, it's what it's doing to our daughter. I see no reasons for these games to be played and I personally think it's a waste of time and energy, just wish the ex would figure that out, maybe she might find a way to make herself happy, instead of inflicting and attracting misery.
Well thus ends probably one of my most personal entries/rants
Tags: daughter, divorce, life, support
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